I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
