the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
