I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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