Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
