My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
