i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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