I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
