Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
