if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
