I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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