she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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