Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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