tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
