Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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