Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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