don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
