how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
