I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
