Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
