the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
