This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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