And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
