he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
