just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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