Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
