the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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