I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
