Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
