This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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