3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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