what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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