Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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