i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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