You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if only i could text you this smell
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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