I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
