Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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