I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
