I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I still have a little drunk in my system
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
