I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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