there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
