I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
