Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
