the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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