two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
