sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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