I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
