i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
