I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
