"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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