3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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