Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
