You just made me feel so damn special
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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