we're chasing vodka with high fives
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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