So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
