what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
