It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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