thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
