Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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