Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
