I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
