turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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