She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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