I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
