i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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