I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
