I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
