I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
