Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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