Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How's work?
Spinning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
