What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
