Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
as a side note pls kill me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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