Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
