I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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