JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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