me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
